Some tips to help you release those addictive habits.

 Are you tired of making attempts to curb addictive habits, falling off the wagon, berating yourself, creating more stress and going round and round in circles. You are not alone. 

We are designed to create habits and automatic behaviour. For many things it makes our life easier, more stable and more manageable. 

Some habits are very affirming but others drain our energy, wreck health and relationships, waste money and time and so on. 

The sort of habits I’m thinking of are smoking and excessive drinking, drug addiction, sex addiction, gambling, overworking, overeating, shopping, phone addiction to name some of them. They can destroy health, wreck finances, undermine self-esteem, damage relationships, even kill us.  

So why do we keep choosing them? Having worked with clients for thirty years and counting, here’s my take on why we find it hard to let go of these destructive habits:

Let’s expand on that…

They provide short term benefit of some kind

Whether it’s the soothing effect of eating a cookie when stressed, rewarding yourself with a drink after a hard day, puffing on a cigarette to calm down habits generally have some perceived short term benefit. The hormone dopamine can be released which makes us feel good …at least for a while. However this can be quickly followed by some sort of downer, whether that’s a hangover, a sugar crash or worse. I believe it is important to develop some healthy stress relief techniques so that we are not controlled by drink, cigarettes, sugar or whatever your chosen substance might be. This could be using breathing techniques to relax, using something like EFT tapping, going for a walk, something that takes us out of the tunnel vision of stress and gives us a wider perspective.

They mask problems we don’t know how to solve yet

Life can be challenging and present us with situations that make us feel anxious and insecure. It’s easy in those times to reach for the cookie jar or the bottle of wine and of course there is nothing wrong with doing that from time to time but if we do that habitually and we can’t live without it we can end up with another problem on top of the existing one. If you drink too much or eat in a way that wreaks havoc with your blood sugars and you pile on weight then you feel worse, find it harder to make clear decisions and deal with the situation. With my clients I work on ways of overcoming cravings, making better choices and increasing self esteem and resourcefulness. 

For many people an addictive habit might be a way of getting closer to others, connecting with fond memories of somebody who is no longer here (nothing like your mum’s baking!), a way of fitting in and not rocking the boat. I have had many clients who have needed to detach certain good feelings, like love, appreciation and reward from their bottle of wine, cigarettes and chocolates and realise they can keep those feelings without their crutch.  

Social pressure is something that makes people cave in on their good intentions as it takes self-esteem and courage to say ‘no, thanks’ when you really don’t want something everybody else is having. So working on self-love and boundaries can be really important.

It is a very different feeling making a choice because that is truly what you want to choose in that moment and making a choice based on feeling that you have to people-please and can’t do what is right for you. 

We can also receive judgements and projections from others when we say ‘no’ to that glass of wine or piece of cake that we are depriving ourselves, not fun any more, too serious and more. We can have have fun without needing any of those things.